What if Hitler Liked Your Music?

Like most magazine accounts that I follow on Twitter (@keggerhammond), I generally skip over NME tweets as they're prone to cycle the same articles throughout the week, or promote shameless pageview bait like slideshows and listicles. They're also tabloidy in their treatment of music news, in that they will wildly quote musicians out of context, completely misrepresent an interview, or blatantly mislead readers with inaccurate article titles and ledes in the hopes of gaining more clicks. However, despite my general apathy towards the NME account, I still continue to follow it (mostly to get the UK perspective). A while ago I  noticed that they were soliciting fan mail for their next issue. After scrolling past some of the more innocuous questions, I came across this tweet from the NME account:

American Bands/Artists That British People Love

Scotland may be on the verge of separating from the mighty United Kingdom. However, if there's anything Scots and Anglos can agree on, it's their unhealthy obsession with the following musical acts:

1. Dave Grohl
2. The Strokes
3. My Chemical Romance
4. HAIM
5. Dave Grohl
6. The White Stripes
7. The Killers
8. Queens of the Stone Age
9. Panic! At the Disco
10. Paramore

BONUS: Neil Young*

*Neil Young is from a completely different country to the north of the United States called Canada. A country that British people seem to think is part of the US, despite being the LAST BASTION OF THE BRITISH CROWN IN CONTINENTAL NORTH AMERICA.

Godspeed You! Black Emperor Wins the Polaris Music Prize and Issues Statement

The 2013 Polaris Music Prize was handed out last night at a gala in Toronto, with weirdo, post-rock band Godspeed You! Black Emperor winning the top prize. The Montreal band is known for its epic, instrumental mini-symphonies that are intended to make you feel stupid for not understanding what they actually mean. Actually, they're pretty damn good, and they deserve this award.

Stop With the Fucking Band Bios

If your band is on any number of social media sites (Facebook, MySpace, ReverbNation) you will know that you have to have a bio. Actually, you don't HAVE to have a bio, but the needledicks that run seminars at NXNE always say that you should have something. Personally, if I'm looking at a band, all I need to see is where they're from (if they're from Montreal they GOTTA be good, am I right?) and how long they have been playing together. Really, that's all you need to know. I don't give a fuck about the story of when you and the other founding member of the band met when you were at a Theory of a Deadman concert and immediately hit it off. We've all heard THAT ONE before. Just provide basic information that will give me some context. That's it.

Unfortunately, bands get it in their head that they need to write War and Peace when writing their bios. I can understand this trap for I too have been tasked with writing a bio or two. It usually ends up as trite drivel, as you would imagine. However, unlike some of my colleagues I discovered that the over-descriptive lovefest of a bio sounds like horseshit. Saturating your bio with over-the-top hyperbole just sounds ridiculous. I felt it best to just give listeners/viewers the basic facts and let them formulate their own adjectives for my music. Be confident in your music but don't compare it to Brahms.

The Return

I'm coming back. At least two posts will be out this weekend. I PROMISE.















(Photo courtesy @Seinfeld2000)

Must Reads: Richard Beck in n+1

n+1 is a thrice annually (three times per year. I think that's how you say it.) published literary magazine that examines all sorts of neat things, from politics to literature to culture. The latest issue includes a 9,500-word (!) examination of the new indie music world with a focus on the history and influence of Pitchfork. Richard Beck wrote the aptly titled "5.4" and you should read it.

Beck looks at Pitchfork's journey from collection of indie-loving Minnesotans writing love stories about their favourite records in the 1990s to the cultural juggernaut that it is today. He also looks at building "cultural capital" and what indie music has become in this day and age where the word "indie" has a completely different connotation.  Beck also uses the word "pedantic" a lot.

Overall the article is worth your time, if you can spare the 0.5-1 hour you'll need to consume 9,500 words.

h/t to @comfortablekid

Let the Industry Circle Jerk Begin! Juno Award Nominees Announced

If the Grammys are a steaming pile of shit, then the Junos are a steaming pile of shit with gravy, cheese curds, and Chad Kroeger's ball sack hair. Like the dysfunctional shit-show that takes place every February at L.A.'s Staples Center, the Junos are full of absurd categorical nominations, undeserving nominees, industry politicking, ridiculous standards for certain categories, hip-hop/rap discrimination and poor host selections. Despite some improvement in recent years, the Junos are still hilariously stupid in many aspects. BUT WE STILL LOVE 'EM!

The nominees for the Junos were announced today and they did not disappoint. LET'S MAKE FUN OF THEM!